Follow Your Heart
When someone gives you a cheap piece of overused advice, take it with a grain of salt. Most of the time, these cliché phrases do more harm than good, and anyone who recites them to you is probably not a licensed therapist and has no business giving advice in the first place. In fact, they’re probably more screwed up than you are.
“Follow your heart.” Are you aware of just how birdbrained this piece of advice really is? Your heart doesn’t know diddly squat about your life! Your heart is all feelings and mushy mumbo jumbo nonsense. Your heart is in cahoots with your private parts, and together they’re conspiring to destroy you. They’re the last people — er, organs — you should follow down the dark alley of life and relationships.
Your brain is where it’s at. Hit the power button on that thing and use it for once. Click through for some more common advice you should totally ignore!
If the Shoe Fits, Wear It
Who even came up with this ridiculous phrase? The fact that a shoe fits isn’t necessarily a good enough reason to wear it! Take Crocs, for example. No one should wear Crocs, ever, whether they fit perfectly or not. They’re disgusting and they make you look foolish. People will laugh at you. Your friends and family will be ashamed to be seen in public with you and your hideous excuse for footwear.
If the shoe fits and it’s fabulous, wear it! Otherwise, donate it to your local Goodwill before it’s too late.
If You Love Someone, Set Them Free
If your perfect someone decides to leave, you probably did something really idiotic and deserve to be left behind with the rotting corpse of your love. But if you genuinely love him or her, don’t just sit back on your lazy bum and let them go!
I’m not saying that you should tie them up and keep them in your basement with a basket of lotion. (If that’s your situation, please set them free! And get help.) But if they’re leaving because you screwed up, grow a pair and fix it! Here’s what you need to do:
- Apologize for being a tool
- Stop being a tool
- Make it right
- Don’t do it again
Then they won’t want to leave. Problem solved.